I Love You More, the More I Degrade You

Don't get me wrong—yes, the sadist in me would love to torment you for pure carnal pleasure. But that would be the same for anyone, or for the selected few I find physically attractive. This is more than that. Far more than that.

I want to degrade you to almost nothing. Not immediately, but slowly—peeling you like an onion until there is nothing left. I don't want a single piece of the self-esteem you built for yourself to remain. Do not worry; I will always be warm, gracious, and loving to you. But yes, I will harm you, emotionally and mentally. Not because I love the cruelty of it—though, lowkey, I do love that.

More than that, though—much more than that—I love the sense of surrender. I love holding the trust of your shame in my hands. Your shame is no longer just yours to protect; it is mine too. To be honest, more than yours, it is mine to protect, and I will protect it far more vigorously than you or anyone else ever could.

Even so, when the doors shut and I have you all to myself, the dynamics change.

Now, I need my reward for that protection. And if you think you are going to give me that reward, you are wrong. I will take it for myself. How much? I don't know—however much it takes to please me. In those moments, within a space that is entirely secure for you, deliberately betraying that trust, betraying that compassion, and yes, betraying the love you have for me... it feels cathartic.

To peel away every ounce of your esteem and confidence. Why? Why not? To find your breaking point and laugh right in your face. Would you want pity there? No. I know you are strong enough to hold yourself at that edge. And even if you break, you will break in my arms.

I will gather your pieces one by one, and I will make sure that as I rebuild you, I leave out the flaws and issues that scarred you in the first place. Those same scars I took advantage of? Yes, I will erase them for you. I will degrade you into the most beautiful version of yourself, for yourself. I will make sure you see that I love you when you are at your absolute mental and emotional lowest. I will make sure you see that I see you—the completely naked you.

And yes, I will expect you to do the exact same—or even worse—to me. Because you are my better half, even in the very worst of myself.