I'm TERRIFIED of my period

(14F) My period has been missing for 10 months now. I've been eating more. I have developed hypoglycemia because of restriction. One day, my body gave up, I passed out 3 times in less than 2 hours. Now, whenever I restrict myself, I feel like I'm passing out.

So yeah, as the title says: I'm so scared of my period coming back. I can already feel my bones weak, I even think I broke a bone of my spine. But I still don't want it back. My parents don't care about my ED or health. I know that if I want to recover, I'm alone. But I don't want to, honestly. I tried once but I'm too tired.

If my period comes back, I don't know what I would do. I would lose my mind completely. Like literally. I would maybe cut my skin along the whole arm. It would be the last straw.

I guess more people are feeling the same, but I'm more fearful of my period than death at this point. I'm not joking.

Please stop telling me I need therapy. I know I do. My parents won't get my therapy. They don't want a sick daughter. I need real tips that I can truly access.