As someone who came out later in life, I’m curious about others’ experiences dating late bloomers

I came out about two years ago, and since then I’ve dated and become friends with quite a few women in the lesbian community.

Along the way, I’ve noticed some patterns that have made me question how to tell whether someone is genuinely emotionally available versus still figuring things out.

One thing I’ve encountered is women who are still legally married to men but say they’re planning to divorce when “the time is right,” often citing their children and/or finances as the reason for staying and keeping their married last name.

I understand that divorce can be complicated, especially when children are involved, but I also wonder whether it’s fair to begin pursuing a serious relationship before those chapters are actually closed.

I’ve also run into situations where there seemed to be significant differences in sexual compatibility or comfort that weren’t communicated openly. For example, a friend of mine tried to date a woman who identified as a lesbian but said she wasn’t comfortable with certain sexual activities - like penetration with a strap-on.

When my friend asked about this particular woman, she became uncomfortable and didn’t want to discuss it.

That made me think that the issue wasn’t necessarily her preferences - it was the lack of communication.

To be clear, I don’t think anyone owes anyone a particular sexual act. Everyone has different boundaries, preferences, and experiences, and those should be respected. My concern is when people aren’t honest or communicative about those boundaries until someone is already emotionally invested.

For those who have dated women who came out later in life:
Have you noticed any recurring challenges?

How do you tell the difference between someone who is genuinely ready for a relationship and someone who is still processing a major life transition?

Would you date someone who is still legally married but says they’re planning to divorce?

How important is open communication about sexual compatibility and boundaries early in the relationship?

I’m asking because I’m trying to learn from other people’s experiences, not judge anyone’s journey. Coming out later in life is a unique experience, and I’d love to hear different perspectives.