Feeling overwhelmed and suffocated

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So...I just wanted to write my thoughts and well...here it goes ...family has been emotionally absent...for me...it wasn't the case with my sibling...and back when I was a kid it was tolerable because I didn't get what was going on ...but now...it feels suffocating...they don't let me go out...they don't let me talk to anyone... everything I do...I have to explain my actions about it ( like if i ask for some specific shampoo that is needed for certain conditions of my hair and even then they don't buy it...this is one of the minor things)...it's like i can't be near them and hope that they won't criticize me for simply existing...I can't get out because I m financially dependent on them...I know a way of getting out but it's gonna take some time...but each passing day it feels like...i m losing myself...the carefree happiness and joy ...I don't even remember the last time i felt it. I know that i shouldn't pay attention to them...and honestly I m done with them emotionally...they have just left me feeling so isolated from almost everything...and I want to stop feeling this way ...I love my study...but I can't bring myself to read...I feel genuinely scared that I will lose myself if I keep feeling this way...and i don't know how to get out of it...I feel like I m doing some kind of self pity when I m writing this...and maybe I m ...and...I hate feeling like this... I have not written this post for any advice as my primary motive ...I wrote it because I wanted to say my situation to anyone really...just wanted to put it out of me...damn this is really heavy I guess...sorry