It's my first time working, but it's not the job that's been draining me...

Hi! I'm currently on my first-ever job. Hindi ako makaka-graduate this year dahil ongoing pa ang thesis ko. So I tried looking for jobs and nagtiyaga talaga ako. Dahil hindi pa ako graduate, very limited ang opportunities for me. Most of them were lowballed pa. So I feel lucky to have landed a decent-paying job, and ilang weeks na rin ako sa work.

I only shared this new chapter of my career with a very limited number of people. But I didn't expect that some of them would end up being the ones who drained my energy the most.

There's this couple na close na talaga kami since magkatabing unit lang ang apartment namin. I was very open with them until nagsumbong sa akin ang nanay ko that they were talking behind my back. I honestly thought it was out of genuine curiosity every time she asked kung gagraduate na ba ako. I was honest about not graduating on time because of my thesis. Wala namang mawawala sa akin by telling the truth. I even shared that I would be partially financing our thesis, kaya gusto ko na ring magtrabaho para mas mabilis namin matapos.

Then there's the guy. I looked up to him because I was entering the same industry where he first worked, and he already had experience. Days before I started working, habang nag-iinuman kami, he asked if he could see my employment contract. I initially declined because it's confidential, but he insisted and said wala naman daw siyang pagsasabihan. So I eventually let him.

What I forgot was that my salary was stated in the contract. Hindi niya binasa ang buong contract. Doon lang siya nakafocus. I even tried brushing it off by saying maliit lang ang basic salary because I didn't want to disclose how much I would be earning. Ayoko rin namang maging basehan iyon para lalo akong pag-usapan. Apparently, pinag-usapan na pala nila ako.

Si ate girl, sinasabi na yung kapatid niya raw ay graduate na cum laude kaya trabaho na lang ang lalapit sa kanya. Gets ko naman, pero is that really the only factor? Tapos ikinukwento pa niya sa isa pa naming kapitbahay na kaya raw ako nagtatrabaho ay para sa thesis at hindi pa raw ako gagraduate. Partially true, but ano naman sa kanya? Tanggap nga ng mga taong nagpaaral sa akin na madedelay ako dahil sa thesis since wala naman akong bagsak.

Ito namang lalaki, sinabi pa raw sa nanay ko na kaya ako natanggap sa trabaho ay dahil may backer kasi ganun naman daw doon. Gets ko yung referral pero nakita mo ba kung paano ko ginapang ang application process?

Why would you measure my capability based on what I haven't achieved yet instead of what I'm currently working hard for? Masama bang mag-take ng one step at a time? Masama bang ma-delay?

They only looked at where I am right now, but they don't have the slightest idea of everything I've been through just to get here.

As for my family, I also kept my real salary a secret because I don't want them to expect too much. I'm still thankful because my parents continue to support me however they can. What's draining, though, is their mindset.

Whenever I try to explain myself, parang hindi nila ako maintindihan because they're so fixed on their own experiences. It feels like there's no room for a different perspective, especially when it comes to my father and my middle brother. Bunso kasi ako kaya ako ang huling nagtrabaho sa aming magkakapatid.

My middle brother also has this superiority complex that's honestly exhausting. Mataas ang tingin niya sa sarili niya to the point na lagi niya akong ini-interrupt whenever I try to speak during family discussions.

As for my eldest brother, malaki na rin ang utang niya sa akin. I can't even ask him to pay it back yet because I know he can't. But I already told him that I won't be lending money so easily anymore, especially money that I personally worked hard for.

Back then, I still had my scholarship while studying, so I was more generous. But this time, I want to set financial boundaries because earning money isn't easy.

He also keeps asking how much I earn, but I never tell him. I barely answer his calls now because I already know they'll eventually be about money.

And there are still a few more people whose presence alone feels draining. That's why I slowly disappeared from their lives and only stayed connected with people I know won't pull me down.

I'm still thankful that there are people who genuinely understand and support me.

But to those people who seem to lose energy unless they're dragging someone else down, ano ulam niyo sa gabi at nakakatulog pa kayo nang mahimbing?

So, guys, take this as both a rant and a reminder. Be careful about the people you keep around, especially when you're entering a new chapter in your life. That's when you'll truly see how they view you and how far they're willing to support (or tear down) your progress.

It's okay to cut people off. It's okay to keep your circle small. Especially if it protects your peace, your well-being, and the future you're trying to build.