Holding on by idk

How have you guys been holding on?

Ugh for the past week I haven't been thinking about my fiance and his passing. I try to avoid it and focus on what's present. But it still gets me by having anxiety or panics attacks in the middle of the night where I wake up and cant sleep till I'm finally calm... or just thoughts of him randomly creeping up on me make my heart skip a beat. I just cant believe he died it hurts so much to think about it. I miss life with him even the bad times. We weren't always perfect but I love him.

The other day I did have a dream of him and we were driving. I kissed him and I said I like sleeping and dreaming because I get to see you and he said me too.

Ugh. Im hate this for all of us.