AITAH for wanting to go back to being friends? I(26F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (27M) for 3 years and after all that's happening I think it's best if we do this.

I have known my boyfriend for 8 years in total. We met when I was 18 and he was 19 in college. He was my best friend for 5 years before he became my boyfriend.

Out of all the people I've known and all the friends I've had till date, he's the only person who actually knows everything about me and the only person who truly understands me.

I was the one who made the first move. I asked him to be my boyfriend 3 years ago because i thought it would be perfect.

He never actually wanted to be in a proper committed relationship though. He told me how i shouldn't expect complete loyalty from him and he's "not the kind to settle down" in his words.

But he did assure me that he'd try his best to make it work. At the time i didn't really think much of it since in my mind the connection between us felt so true and strong. But oml i was so wrong.

The first one year or so of our relationship was the best time, everything was perfect. But then the problems started. He started talking too much to a girl, let's call her Nina. He met her at his work place.

I've met her like 2 times, a year ago and I can literally see it. She has feelings for him. I don't know if he's acting oblivious or he's genuinely clueless.

I don't mean to be the girlfriend who controls everything her boyfriend does but i felt so irritated by her.

Whenever i brought the subject up, he would defend himself and say "it's nothing" and that "we're just friends".

He also reassured me many times that i don't have to worry about her but I just can't believe him.

I too have guy friends, but I don't stay on calls with them for 2-3 hours talking about "work" like he does with Nina.

On top of this the communication issue, every time we have arguments, he just shuts off. Like complete emotional numbness. I have to guess and talk to him.

While when I do the same thing, like the emotional shut off, he's irritated and angry but is always able to tell how i feel. We had a huge argument about all of this, especially about him talking to Nina 2 weeks ago.

Idk why but ever since I knew about Nina I started unconsciously comparing myself to her. I have never ever been the kind to compare myself to another girl.

Last time i did this was probably when I was in high school. But because of him I did for the very first time in a long time.

Yesterday I just lost it. We were out eating when he got a call from her. I was already having a shitty day and then seeing her name on his phone just ruined my mood.

He did immediately tell her he was with me and cut the call but I was not having it. We had another argument about this yesterday.

Idek what to do. I can't just tell him to cut her off.

The last year has been so mentally exhausting and heavy. Because of other things too yes, but also because of our relationship and its problems.

I can't help but think that things were better when we were just friends and just went on and talked about anything and everything so freely.

It's still like this between us, but our relationship problems are getting in the way of us and the bond we had before all this even happened.

I don't want to lose him and I don't want to hurt him. I love him, but it's just that I can't do this anymore.

He's an amazing friend, but not the best boyfriend. I've considered breaking up and going back to being friends.

But it's also his birthday in 3 weeks, i don't want to ruin it for him.

I'm just so confused and have no idea what to do. I cannot do this relationship anymore mentally but I also don't want to lose him as a friend.

AITAH for wanting this?