Help-- losing my mind

I've been married for 32 years to the love of my life. When we get along, it's absolute bliss. But when he gets upset, we wish for separation. He yells, interrupts, slams things on the table for emphasis, and engaged all four "horsemen"-- defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt. For instance, he says he doesn't have to listen to me because I'm "lecturing" him. He leaves the room and house without agreement. He is happy to remain estranged for days. I do not know what to do, but I am not happy. So tired of this!!! We've talked to probably 10-12 marriage counselors, done Marriage Encounter, weekends for marriage, etc. Nothing ever changes.