READ ME

I (26F) caught GHSV1 two months ago today (yay me!). I am early in my journey, but I ask that you please read my entire post. Fair warning: this may be a hard read for some, but it could also be one of the most important things you see on this sub.

I want to talk about the obsession that nearly every person on this sub with genital HSV has- The Obsession With Morality.

Yes, this is a “pro disclosure” sub. But what does that really mean exactly? Let’s break it down.
It is marketed as this: “fully disclose all of your deeply personal health information/status to potential partners so they can have “informed consent””. This was born out of the pain that people have suffered from catching GHSV from someone that did not disclose. On the surface that’s sounds ok, but underneath that thin level, there is nothing but shame, hurt, self hatred, and resentment boiling.
In order to negate the these negative feelings, people with HSV become obsessed with morality. They allow their diagnosis to take over their concept of self. This leads them into having to find another identity. They need to feel good about themselves again. This sends them into becoming obsessed with LOOKING like a good person. When in reality, all this philosophy does is make us less empathetic, understanding, kind, and accepting.
This is because people develop this odd HSV superiority complex. Because since they are doing the “right thing” they are better than everyone else in the community that chooses to navigate their journey in a different way. Including those (like me) that are so new to all of this and are still learning how to cope- Still learning what all of this means for the rest of our lives. Let’s also make it clear that this said “different way” is usually not bad either. No one on this sub wants to spread HSV. We wouldn’t be on here if we weren’t concerned or didn’t care. Extremely rigid, unrealistic, and inflexible expectations are projected onto everyone here by those obsessed with the “pro disclosure” philosophy.
The obsessed people do it for one main reason: they need to position themselves above others.
They feel so low about themselves that they have to find some way to be the “best” and “most right” and “most moral” within the community they are now apart of. They have to put other people and their experiences down in order to feel good about themselves and their reality with HSV. Little do these people realize that this does nothing but perpetuate the stigma. It insinuates that having HSV does actually make you dirty. It tells us that we are bad people if we do not suffer the anxiety and terror that comes with spilling your guts to random potential partners when it isn’t even necessary. Those obsessed with “pro disclosure” believe that having HSV automatically makes you less than. They position themselves and everyone else as below HSV- people. That we are criminals if we behave differently than them. No one on here is correct or good aside from those that fully disclose every time. That’s what they say and how they make everyone feel.

In reality, those obsessed with morality aren’t good people. They just look like they are. Because why do they treat everyone without HSV with WAY more respect and consideration than they do those within their actual community? This is a place where we should stick together and support one another. This is not me saying we should support super spreaders. Absolutely not. Because that is truly wrong. However, again, those people rarely join these subs. 99% of the people reading this are GOOD PEOPLE. Regardless of how they have handled or navigated their HSV journey. This shit is so fucking hard yall. The last thing we need is to bully or be bullied by those around us. We are all in the same boat. No matter how “right” or “moral” or “good” you are. We are all in the same community. We are no better than any other person with this virus. There is not a moral herpes hierarchy. No matter how hard anyone tries to make one.

Here is what I really want to say and how I want to end this post:
The current idea of “protecting others” and “informed consent” and how it is presented does nothing but hurt us. Because it tells us that we have to sacrifice ourselves, our own wellbeing, our reputation, our love/sex life, and even potentially even our careers. That is considered a necessity by the obsessed people. We also have to become sex Ed teachers. We have to spend hours teaching grown adults about STDs and the risks of sex like it’s 5th grade. We have to give up our lives for those that are HSV-. How ridiculous is that? How awful is it that people on here constantly position themselves and their own community below everyone else. How horrific is it that we are all expected to be sacrificial lambs by our own people?
NOTHING is wrong with choosing yourself and a path that works for you specifically. You obsessed HSV+ people please read that again.
Here is a perfect example:
I will use myself. I have GHSV1. I do not fully disclose. What does that mean you ask? I inform my partners that I have HSV1. However, I never ever disclose location because it is totally unnecessary. The word “genital” does nothing but scare the partner. When in reality, cold sores are more contagious. If my partners know they are at risk with me, I owe them no further information. Guess what? I haven’t been rejected once. No one thinks twice about it. I have found a middle ground and a method that works for me and my life. One that doesn’t completely benefit my partner and leave me feeling like the lesser individual. I have been criticized for this. When ive done more than what medical professionals (multiple) have even told me to do.
I’ve also seen people that are deeply struggling be shamed by their own community. It’s awful to watch. People need advice sometimes. People need support all the time. These things should not be reserved for those that handle HSV in the exact way the obsessed people think it should be.

Side note: discrediting doctors and believing Redditors is the dumbest and most harmful narrative this sub pushes. It’s ridiculous. The people doing this are, yup you guessed it, the people obsessed with morality. We should not be made to feel as though we cannot trust the healthcare and professional advice/information we receive. It’s manipulative and disgusting frankly.

All this goes to say:
WE ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT, CLEAN, WORTHY, AND GOOD AS THOSE THAT ARE HSV NEG. I hope everyone here hears me when I say that. Including the closed minded and stubborn HSV people obsessed with morality. The ones lost in their own insecurities. I see everyone here. I hear you too. We are all going through the same thing. Let’s all hold each others hands. Let’s be gentle with each other. Let’s BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER. No one else understands your experience like those of us here do. Regardless of what we do or what we personally think is right- we are all trying our best. I strongly encourage the herpes police to retire. For the betterment of this community and their own sense of self.

EDIT: this is a repost because the mods took it down originally. That is a perfect example of what this post is talking about. These mods leave up hateful, disgusting, and disturbing comments and posts all the time. They hate themselves. More than anyone else on here evidently. Stop projecting on to us you fucks. Shame on you.