Struggling with a fantasy novel

so I have this grand idea about a fantasy world, worked out the general nooks and crannies and still working out certain specifics, but I know the general direction that I want to go with.

Thing is as a poet writing long proses has been problematic and consistent criticism about writing too "poetically" has filled me with mild self-doubt which has made progess a bit slow. I'm currently at chapter 9 and before I proceed I would love a bit of criticism

the general idea of the book (Shīmián) is it revolves around strong families with different strengths, with the story starting when one of the two divine beings of the world consumes the other resulting to a world without sleep i.e sleep = death.

You're welcome to ask about more and I think I can share some details though I'd be hesitant to share some more intricate cogs, if anyone is interested I'd be willing to share what I have so far so that I can get some criticisms