Looking for POV/ Advice/ Hope

Sorry to all going through issues with K. I keep falling into similar patterns as a lot of folks on this forum.

I’m on medication for depression and anxiety, which has helped me for years, but my K use has escalated over the past year. At my peak, I was using around 4–5 grams a day. Now I’m closer to 4–5 grams a week, give or take. My more recent pattern is usually 2–4 days clean, followed by a 1–2 gram session. I’ve managed breaks of up to a week, but I keep going back.

I’m currently unemployed, dealing with a bad breakup, loneliness and repeated job rejections after multiple interview rounds. I’m normally a high-functioning professional, so watching my savings drain while feeling stuck has been seriously affecting my mental health. Today, I feel a strong urge to pick up and dissociate.

I’ve stayed somewhat physically active and still work out two or three times a week. Thankfully, I haven’t had any major physical issues, but I am concerned. I sometimes feel mild pressure in my lower abdomen or pelvic area, though it isn’t painful and could be related to exercise. I’m urinating normally.

I keep telling myself I need to make a drastic change, but part of me also feels like I need the dissociation right now. I know that is probably the exact pattern keeping me stuck.

My relationships, friendships, mental health, motivation and possibly physical health are being impacted. Part of me wants to make a drastic change and buckle up but I still have a strong urge to pick up. I’m a stoner and dabble in other stuff too but K has been “helping” but I need to stop.

Anyone been through something similar? Worse? Please share your good or bad stories.