I’m throwing the towel in the bag.

Its come to a point after 5 years I feel done. My feelings were at their worst about 4 years ago but now I feel apathetic and restless. I feel an itch to bring this to a stop. No matter what I do, or how much I improve or how much people may be there for me there is a hole that will never be satiated. I have just started seeing a guy who is genuinely lovely and it sickens me how I don’t feel fully present with him. I am doing nothing but hyper fixate on my past failures yet scarily enough I don’t hear critical voices. Just silence. I’m virtually lost and I can’t even envision a future for myself I really just want to end it some time soon.