Me, World and Her

I am always invested in my studies till this February(Last day of my school of 12th) and also not interested in love because I know what I am in this world no one wants me (even my Family so how can other) but then suddenly everything changes I met someone. So basically I am Jee aspirant and I done my schooling in dummy format so we only have to go school for exams and practicals so on last day of my school we have Chemistry practical and as usual I'll go to my school on morning and came on evening. Now let me come on point so I don't like peoples and I have no friends but anyhow I met with 4 to 5 classmates of mine and we have good time but I don't get close to anyone so I follow One rule met and then forget but there is someone who's invest her time on me talking straight to for 1 to 2 hours and even if I ignore her she pull me back and she's genuinely the type of girl I like (I don't have any type) because we share to much (seriously to much) same interests and basically I say that she is just me but in female version (this is what I think that time) but as always the school ends and we separates but I know that we are going met again on our boards examination and let me be clear that we both born in different religions but we share same mind set that there is no god and I am type of persons who think that I am interested in someone then I'll start making distance so I decided that I am going to ignore her and i do I'd ignored her in 3 exams but didn't she came daily and always wish me 'best of luck for today I know you are going to do it better' and literally when I come I genuinely cry all day and ya I feel disgusting so in our last two exams I waited (we sit in same class btw) and start wishing her first and after exam ask how was it (we even got same sets) but on last exam I am in very bad condition because of my dog so I ignored her and left and I left I feeled that was it end here is this is what I wanted and yes I regretted very much that I activated my Instagram and start searching her and after the 3 days of hustle I FIND HER (I literally didn't sleep on these 3 days) i am so excited too much and after 2 days I texted her (I send reel because it's easy to start convo) and after that we start talking in every 2 to 3 day and one day she asked me that she is going to movie with her friends (also contains boys) would I want to join her but as I said I am anti-social person and at that point I only see her as my only friend (this is I think but deep down I know that I like her) so I am going to turn down her offer but my sister's said go get social with peoples and they texted her yes I'll go through my account and ya deep down this is what I wanted so I asked her number to send money (that time she didn't have number so she give her mother's) and we decided to go but unfortunately we can't because of one of our member got some personal issue.

She added me in her contact (her personal) and we start talking little little because we have exam and we have entrance exams I have only one but she have too much but we wish to each other always and after that and the end of month it's my birthday.

So let me tell something about me before telling further story. That I am suffering from depression from January not this year's from last year's January and I have no hope on living I don't like anyone and no one likes me. So on my all birthday's it's always me no one else so thats just a common day for me.

BUT it common for me not for her that day I genuinely feel her excitement she puts story of my birthday and continously texting me in evey 2 to 3 hours so that day I feel something, something that I can't explain and think that I'm also deserve to live so yahh I invited her to give her a party so we go to cafe (that cafe is find by her because I know nothing about this type of stuffs) so we met I'm not expecting anything form her because her presence is itself a gift for me (so no one gives me a gift all this year) but when I met even I'm late because of rain and when I see her, she have gift for me (let me tell you we both like books) she give me one of her favorite book and we talk and we get back and after that we talk to each other in interval to 2 to 3 days and deciding college where to go.

So let me you all about our exams so as always my luck fu#ks me and I got decent rank in entrance and she also don't get good lesser then me but still we have plenty of options.

And after sometime I got hospitalised

I also tell you that there is too much tension going in my house 'the problem between parents' let not tell in detail because it's too personal even I didn't told her.

Let's come on the main point

WHEN PROBLEM STARTED

So she takes drop

And after that everything start to change

First of all I tell you that I respected her decision and I start not to message her because now she needs time she need space and I know that I am maybe disturbing her so she can focus.

But when I wants some to talk then I message her at time whem she free in excuse of work (I don't text her always let me be clear I texted her after so much time) I mainly I texted her give her resources or information but now now something is missing

Ummm I can't explain how it feel what was that but yaa something that got away

So I think that she needs to focus on her so I understand what she wants a distance time so I decided to not to disturb her let her get what she want that all for me even if she forgot about me but she achieve what she want and this is what I wanted.

Now..........

So basically she use to have boyfriend till last year she didn't tell me this and this is totally normal because everyone haves everyone met soneone and then gets apart this is normal but now I got to know that she wants to fix between them.........

Ohh how can I say what I want because don't want to shares someone personal things which they don't want to share but........ I only think what was that that she do to me because felt real genuine things from her .......

I am that person who didn't wants to live I tried..........

3 to 4 times before meeting her and now I get to know that all this was just a myth of my mind

I didn't want anything just want to know that is this all lies or not...

I didn't want to make her my partner all this time thats why I pushed har back then

I know that we can't be together even if she accepts because of society we don't believe in religions but they do so I always know ending

But....... despite all this I still try to believe her but now.......

I want her to be happy with the one she wants so even if they fixed there things then I think that I'm happy

Because I know who I am

Didn't get any college stuck in what to do I have nowhere to go and no one from childhood I have zero friends and no one but then I think that I have someone to relays on but......

I am not complaining about anyone just want to say what I want , I want to tell that I'll notice and got hurts but didn't told anyone so I want what I didn't have I have good looks (not so great because who I am to judge) everything what a person want I can do so where I lack

I give them my all and didn't ask anything to back but........

I know that it's to long no one going to read this but I said what I wanted (not everything I think about 10% of things) but I'm brave enough to say

At last "You got only that thing which is meant for you"

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