Pictured: French onion pasta with butter beans and a Coke Zero no caffeine

After getting dumped out of nowhere by my boyfriend in December (we lived together and he actually was an awesome boyfriend before that, but clearly had some communication issues that a few months of therapy I guess didn’t fix), I decided to stay single for a while and did a lot of work on myself. I figured out I have had anxiety for at least like 15 years and can catch myself wanting to do something unhealthy because of it and will stop myself. I consistentlyish work out now, have a ton of great friends, volunteer at an animal shelter, have expanded my hobbies a ton, quit edibles. Work is going great and I’m hopefully about to get promoted. Mortgage has been refinanced and I fully set up my retirement strategy. It’s all going great!

So I’ve decided I’m ready to put myself out there. Literally even with the bar at not religious and liberal, mind you in Seattle where most of this city is not religious and liberal, most profiles are an immediate no. Is it too much to ask that liberal people put liberal in their bio? Genuinely asking bc if it is I’ll revise. I’m a woman of color. 

I know all it takes is 1 fish but damn. It’s only been like 2.5 weeks. A man already caught me off guard going in for a kiss at the end of a first date OPEN MOUTHED. It was light outside, it was Wednesday, I was sober, what the hell. His mouth was around mine and it was like a second long. I don’t think it even counted as a kiss. I didn’t even want to see him again, he seemed kind of judgy, didn’t think I was funny, and didn’t even ask me what I’m looking for after I asked him. He was shocked I didn’t want to see him again. 

Another man tried refusing to talk about religion on a first date. I’m half Indian and half Pakistani and he’s fully Indian. Apparently me being Pakistani and raised Muslim would’ve been an issue for his parents who don’t even know he’s not religious. He’s looking for someone who will fight his parents with him and was hesitant in admitting that. YOU ARE A GROWN MAN. Stop looking for a woman to fight your battles. I’ve already done that with my parents. He broke up with a past gf after 8 months bc his parents weren’t happy she wasn’t their religion and he didn’t think the relationship was worth fighting them. 

I did go on a good first date earlier this week. He’s able to keep up a conversation and I had a good time, good enough where I haven’t even asked yet what he’s looking for (no big signs of incompatibility that made me want to). I kind of get the vibe he’s like really shy or something though. I’m used to someone telling me they’d like to see me again and like asking to give me a hug. Didn’t really do any of that but we’re still talking so let’s see. 

It feels like everyone around me with a good partner found them in college and picked great then. All my other friends are chronically single. I’m sad I had low self esteem and picked someone crazy because I thought only someone crazy would want to be with me. Then I had a great relationship and out of nowhere I was in shambles. But I’m trying to stay positive and hope there’s a man out there like me. It hasn’t even been a month so gotta keep going. 

Sorry this has been all over the place but hope it’s entertaining to someone. 

Back in the dating pool