No clue wtf im doing

i (FtMt?18) started testosterone HRT 3 days ago and ever since ive been consumed by fear. i cant shake the feeling that im ruining my life, etc. i was socially transitioned for four years without hrt, i wanted hrt so bad…but im scared it just became a goal for me instead of what I actually wanted. when i lived as a woman i was violently depressed but im starting to feel like im not actually a man, either. i cant tell if the fear im feeling now is a sign to stop and turn around or to keep going because it means my previous dissociation has lifted. im so terrified. this is consuming my life. i have no idea how this became my life.