I think I’m gonna give up on relationships if I lose my friend

So last night I was talking late at night with a friend and we were talking about therapy and he misunderstood that I had no other options to try when it came to fixing my insurance cause it was an issue with a biller and I had tried everything. Then I mentioned how I was tired of people pushing me to do therapy when I 1) already knew I needed it and 2) am too burnt out to handle it and once again cannot do anything else to help situation when the biller is refusing to talk to my therapist.

Well after that he mentioned how I was did thr same thing to him and to me it sounded like he was saying that I did it for no reason or for his benefit only. And this is the part where I’m the asshole. I started talking about how back then I was not being treated by well him and he took it that he was being abusive. I never once said or used the word abusive and so he mildly put those words into my mouth. But now he’s not talking to me and he’s thinking about not being my friend anymore cause he doesn’t want me to talk to someone who’s abuse (which once again I didn’t use or call him that)

Anyway. I’m not saying he did anything wrong. But like I know I’m a terrible friend for saying this when it was on the past. But my intent was for him understand that the reason I pushed for him to get therapy was cause his mental health was negatively impacting me and I need to not be his only source of emotional regulation and therapy for his past traumas.

I know I phrased things wrong and prolly over exaggerated things. And I know it’s my fault if I lose him as a friend. But like I’m thinking. If I lose him as a friend I’m never gonna bother trying to make more friends. Cause I’m tired of hurting people for no reason and victimizing myself when I was prolly was an issue in the relationship too. I’m also just tired of life. I’m tired of trying. And I’m tired of losing people. I don’t want to lose him but I feel like I might and now I’m beating myself up for telling him how I felt. I def used the wrong words. And I shouldn’t have said anything cause I know he feels like a Terrible person when he isn’t.

I just feel stupid. I know it’s my fault if I lose him but like. I seriously might just consider becoming a hermit if I lose him. I don’t want to lose him and I don’t know how to express that to him.

I feel like such an asshole and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Idk chat. Maybe I just give up on relationships in general if he leaves. Idk man.