At the edge of do or die.(JEE SECOND DROP)

I am M 19 gonna be 20 this year I have taken one drop after class 11th thinking I will study 11 & 12 and get into any of iit/nit. But things don't happen as planned.See I was very spoiled child because of my surroundings and bad past . I came through alot bad thing but ignoring all this i push passed but I know I didn't have gave 100 percent in 11th during my repeat year but in 12 th I started studying like hell. My study was going well but just before 10 days of my exam something happened in my family and I became distracted. After this when april attempt was there I started studying like hell and only slept 3-4 hrs did studying day and night but mf boards ruined my prep and also my family thing was going on too.

This all was not enough I was suffering from Chronic stomach pain from past 10 years and the day of my april attempt my pain was severe and it was hell. This made my percentile 79.4.

Now my age was already very high and I was sure I will not take any of drop again but my family financial situation is not good I can't afford any of private college. I know about education loan but for 1st semester u would have to pay fee I dont have even money for buying basic stuff like laptop and other necessities. If I would take admission there will be burden on my family and also the college I will get into doesn't have much scope of placement. So there will burden and also no guarantee of future.

My situation is really fucked up although I have came up some upp academic wise from my past I can't tell. This 2 year has changed me alot although I didn't got selected but still I don't have regret of repeating class 11th coz I uplifted alot.

But after all of this I have finally decided to take another drop coz of situations I have explained and also I will not have to pay any of the fee in nit/iit.

That mean alot for me.

See I'm academic wise good now and I know I have potential not only me teachers to know about that.

So let's see how this drop goes.