Spiraling between justifying this as RSD instead of my best friends not caring about me

My fiancé and I got engaged in May, we’re eloping next March in Italy. We’re having a simple courthouse wedding here in the states a few days before leaving for Italy where we’ll have a symbolic ceremony.

Everyone knows we’re eloping and the only gripe we’ve gotten was the same “faux offended” comments from my best friends about not being able to be there. Mind you I’ve been telling them I would elope for years even when I single and they always made the same comments. We had an engagement party with 30 people, including these friends, where we paid for everything, treating this as the closest thing we’d have to a reception/party directly related to our wedding. We’re obviously skipping a lot of the traditional wedding events but we did decide to have bachelorette/bachelor parties.

I reached out to my two best friends asking if they’d be available on the dates I picked since we all live in different states. I was ignored for almost two weeks when they said “maybe? We should try to move the dates to later in the year” I explained that would be pointless since I would already be married. I was also deeply in my feelings about being ignored for that long so I just said I wasn’t going to do it anymore. They realized I’d meant it to be a bachelorette trip and tried to backtrack and say “no wait, let’s plan something!” but didn’t say anything after that. I assume they wanted me to then go through with planning the whole thing myself and just let them know when and where to show up. I never responded and they also haven’t reached back out since.

On the opposite side, the wives of my fiancé’s friends have been wonderful to me since we’ve been together and even more so now that we’re engaged. One of them recently got married and messaged me before my engagement happened saying she’d love to throw my bachelorette when the time came because she wanted to make sure I received the same love and support I’d given her and the friend group in general whenever they had big moments. At the same time I had messaged my friends asking about the dates, I also messaged the wives in the group chat we have. They immediately responded with enthusiastic YES messages. They immediately started planning, asking if I had a favorite theme or color scheme and made a google form to get everyone’s sizes for PJs, favorite snacks for a sleepover before the trip. I’ve talked this through with my fiancé and my therapist and I don’t think I want to include my other friends. I feel like I’m the one that always reaches out and gets ignored. Before I guess it didn’t bother me because it was just them ignoring random work rants or dumb TikToks but this feels different. Given the comments they’d made before saying they HAVE to be a part of my wedding, I guess I expected more enthusiasm about being included in this one event. My fiancé told me I should prepare for our friendship to drastically change if I don’t invite them but hasn’t that already happened?