AITAH for telling my best friends I don't think we are friends anymore

I've known these girls for over 6 years now, we used to be inseparable at school but I went to a different college because I was being heavily bullied and getting death threats. We promised we would stay friends and we did for the first year.

I've been heavily depressed, ending up in a very controlling and abusive relationship which basically ended in me getting heavily physically and mentally abused, scared for my life, sexually mistreated and hurt pretty badly to the point the police got involved. It's been about 5 months since then.

They knew about what happened after I broke down to them during the police investigation and told them everything. Neither of them came to see me or hang out. Instead they held this text intervention the next day about how I needed to stop putting myself in risky situations, which I agree with but the way they went about it made me feel like such a shitty person and like I was insane. I was already out of the relationship at this point and it felt so weird that instead of coming to support me or even js being there they decided to hold an intervention.

It went on like that for the last few months. Me asking to hang out, them claiming they were busy with school then constantly partying with the same people who used to send me death threats. They live close to me, like 20 minute walk for both of them and I saw one of them once in person during this time. I was always there for them when they came to me with issues, checked up on how their exams were going because they'd said they were busy with school stress. I gave up on asking to hang out. I cried a couple weeks ago when this guy at my college held the door open for me because I hadn't talked to a real human in so long but I didn't feel safe around anyone.

I made a lot of bad decisions when I was depressed. I took drugs, I cheated on my boyfriend, I put myself in dangerous situations. I understood their concern. But they slowly made me feel like I was insane, saying there was something psychologically wrong with me when I was just struggling to actually process what my ex had done to me. I feel so fucking lonely.

Today we were supposed to hangout. We do this friendaversary thing every year. I couldn't make it because my mum wanted to do something with me and one of them just said, 'I'm not surprised this happens all the time.' I snapped. I've been asking her to hang out for months, listening to all her problems, supporting her and she's just been too 'busy'. When she has time for everyone else, all her other friends. The other girl asked me if I was upset at both of them and I told her I just didn't see us as friends anymore.

I told her it hurt me deeply when neither of them came to see me or even checked up on me, or even asked me about the police investigation. I was going through hell and they just gave me constant reminders that I was messed up, mentally ill. I haven't even processed what happened to me because I've been more focused on myself because I thought if I could get better we could go back to being close friends again. I miss them. But we aren't friends. I even said it was okay, that they weren't bad people for it but they can't blame me for us not being friends because I miss one hang out.

I feel so so so lonely. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel. My mum thinks its better to not talk about my ex anymore and she doesn't think therapy is good for me. My school are always on my back abt my attendance even though I just got top grades in my mocks, highest maths and english scores in the year, A*AA predictions. I don't have any friends bc I drew away from everyone. Idk if that's the same thing I'm doing now, just being an asshole bc I'm hurt or if maybe I'm right and we aren't friends.