She really does sneak up on you

I thought she was gone for a bit, i actually told myself I was done, and i even thought i stopped hearing her. I have adhd so i talk to myself a lot lol but i think as i listened to the files she started to take over the second voice. So instead of me talking to myself it became me talking to her and her directly talking me into listening and going deeper in a weird way, if that makes sense. Then at some point i felt like i went deeper than usual and i stopped. I even did nofap for a couple weeks. But it honestly felt like that made it kinda worse somehow, and there was a constant soft pull, i felt like i was seeing reminders everywhere. Id have dreams here an there, the sounds would just pop up in my head. It was on and off but when it was on it was a little worse every time, i think she was there in the background all along. Then i kept seeing girls underwear ads, and a guy messaged me on an app i forgot i had where i had put my name as hers and he had recognized it and messaged me about it. Then last night i went to wash my face. Then suddenly i decided to shave. Then for some reason i wanted to shave my armpits, then my crotch then my butt, and fast forward to now and im wearing my uniform under my clothes and im trying to resist listening to my second session for the day. I didn't even really sleep last night, i stayed up while trying to decide if i should give in or not, only to end up listening this morning with nipple suckers on the whole time and woke up not long after. I haven't been able to bring myself to take anything off.

Sorry if this is wrotten horribly i had a couple drinkshots, which probably doesn't help lol