don't think he'll be all-in, so I decided to turn him down; AITA?

this evening I will meet this guy (kating, pascasarjana) who looks good on the surface, dan berencana menolak dia.. it sounds stupid but hear me out.

​I'm 22F, kinda hectic with my thesis target and deteriorated health lately (gampang banget demam, flu, aslam—mungkin efek skripsi ya).

​ I broke up with my ex a while ago (tipikal pacaran tahunan). This was my second relationship and I just don't think I'm going to date anymore. Not because I haven't moved on, it's just I don't feel boys these days are fully committed when they want a relationship aka pacaran. I cannot love someone halfway. Gw chalant banget 😭 suka bilang suka, dia cakep ya gw bilang cakep, ya tipikal nunjukin kalau sayang tuh sayang.

​Gw gak tahu apakah ke friendly an ini yang bikin banyak HTS, jaspren, or whatever it's called dan ada yang confessing, berhubung gw udah nolak 3 orang dalam tahun ini.. tapi sekarang gw kayak picky dan menjaga banget buat ga berkomitmen; takut bucin. I don't really date for potential anymore. Friendly ini bukan flirty ya kawan-kawan!

​ I mean, if it's not a 100% sure commitment (date to marry), yaudah temenan aja. Mau dinner tiap malem, night call, and etc I'm okay. But once you choose to commit, gw bakalan jaga boundaries ke yang lain (jelas aja). I would support and coba sevisi dalam hubungan. Mau usaha bareng ok, gw siap support koneksi, aset, I will be your best teammate overall. Trust me I will help our future endlessly tanpa ngeluh. Gw ke temen aja effort, ke pasangan apalagi? 😊🙏🏻

​ I met this kating at campus. Kita sering banget interaksi dan bantu diskusi berhubung ruang kerja asdos gw dan dia berdekatan. I knew he had a crush on me, several times ngode gitu, but I found it a bit absurd karena dia almost 27 (beda agama pula, duh). I didn't know what was in his mind, tapi setelah jenguk gw kemarin pas bedrest karena demam, he confessed his feelings through a very long text 🙂 I kinda think kaga considerate sih dia, bad timing.

​ Nah, si kating ini bilang dia siap belajar agama gw sekarang. He will make sure keluarganya nerima and yada yada yada. However, when I asked him "why do you think you love me?", jawaban dia ya karena gw help him through his down times and support him. Not because I make him feel loved atau apa dia seneng gw seneng(?), it's just because I do things for him. He also doesn't have any justification on how he will keep boundaries and priorities between me and his fans-friends. Intinya, cuma suka gw temenin aja. He doesn't have enough girls yang nyambung to choose, so he has no option.

​ I reckon in every meeting he thought I was always being myself, while actually I never really showed my weakness to him. Dia juga gapeka kata gw mah. Untungnya aja gw selalu bilang langsung, but I really want my future partner to be perceptive; gausah gw suruh, he has the initiative gitu 😔

​Dia jelasin finansial dia udah oke, he said he would give his best to make it 3-years if I'm willing to accept him. The problem is gw tahu dia berpunya tapi pelit :)) belum lagi kalau lanjut kan Mangu ya, belum tentu lancar. Gw anak tunggal so finance isn't really a big deal for my family. Gw pribadi gaberharap memberatkan dia secara materi. Somehow, kinda dis him for being perhitungan ke anak-anak lab yang dia tau hidupnya berkesudahan (ya, pelit).

​Intinya:

a. Apakah gw salah gak mau pacaran just for fun atau jalanin dulu?

b. Bagaimana cara biar jaga batasan biar ga ngebaperin? Atau kalau gw yang baper, apakah gw jelasin perasaan gw tapi juga jelasin gw susah berkomitmen?

c. Gw rencana nemuin langsung biar gak ada salah paham dan bisa berhubungan baik, atau sebaiknya by text aja cukup?

d. I think bakalan bilang my main reason is I don't see our visions align aja, or should I tell him the bigger picture?