I want to recover but I can’t

I wouldn’t want to label myself as having an eating disorder because I haven’t been diagnosed and idk but I do have a very complicated relationship with food (blame my mum) that can probably be labelled as a binge eating disorder.

Every attempt I make at sorting myself out and trying to recover I just relapse (??) and eat everything in sight.

I really want to get better, it’ll be good for my mental health, self esteem, and my physical health overall -I’ve been like this for years unfortunately and I’m not really healthy physically- but I just can’t. My mum kinda enables my problem too and pushes down my concerns when I say anything about the fact I wanna lose weight, eat healthier and be healthier, like just saying “nonono you’re fine the way you are” or something along those lines.

It’s not like I don’t go to the gym, I do, but it’s so hard. I barely have any motivation due to a whole other problem I don’t think is really fitting to get into rn and it’s too warm to even go outside (fuck heatwaves) so I’m even more stuck.

I just needed somewhere to get this out, if you took time out of your day to read then thank you!