How do I deepen acceptance of the fact that CSA affected my sexuality without living in constant shame?

Yesternight while struggling from helpless arousal I had a really emotional cry struggling with the realization how much sexual arousal itself has reinforced sexual shame which I carry as my sexuality since childhood as a CSA survivor. After sitting with the therapist (and her amusing analogies that it’s not so different from my PhD viva last year), I've realized that fighting my arousal or trying to "prove" what's trauma and what's really me isn't getting me anywhere and after meeting my therapist just now, Ive decided (or rather we have) to move toward acceptance instead.

Some of my desires and kinks genuinely feel like part of who I am. I embrace them. I like them. They give me grief and emotional pain but they give me catharsis from overwhelming shame and self consciousness and feelings of being dirty. Also I’ve decided to look for some kind of anonymous group therapy or conversation club or a reading group because I really need to talk to other people about it. I had attended BDSM munches but not in my current city, and but that community did help me realize that consensual kink isn't inherently something to be ashamed of. Even if it’s rooted in problematic desires that are not a social norm (cnc, incest, humiliation, s/m etc.)

At the same time, I know CSA shaped my nervous system, and sometimes arousal still becomes my default way of regulating overwhelming emotions.
So instead of asking, "How do I get rid of this?" I'm determined to make it work for me. (Am I crazy???)

I'm not necessarily looking for ways to suppress it. I'm wondering how people have learned to transform it into something that's more intentional, grounded, and self-compassionate instead of compulsive or shame-driven.

For those of you further along in healing:
What helped you accept that your sexuality may have been shaped by trauma without feeling like you're "damaged"? Or you need to “fix” yourself?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've found ways to hold both truths: that trauma can shape us, and that we can still build a sexuality that's grounded in choice rather than shame

Have you found ways to separate emotional regulation from automatic sexual coping?

If you also experienced CSA or SA and went on to consensually explore BDSM or kink, how have you learned to engage with it in ways that feel healing, ethical, and authentic rather than reenacting old wounds?

What practical things do you do when
trauma-related arousal shows up and you have the choice to give in the sensation or to fight it and repress yourself more?