I'm so confused

ok no hate

ive been struggling like this for almost a year now and I honestly don't know what to do.

I come from a very religious family and we view the same sex relationship as disgusting and my own parents would like disown me

but I've been into reading MM books I try to stop myself due to the guilt I feel but I always go back and find myself in similar situations I have not talked to anyone abt this but like idk what to do so any insights?