I (f30) left cptsd partner (m40) and am heartbroken

People with cptsd or cptsd partners. What would you advice? First time poster; a way to cope with my pain. Thank you in advance <3

I (female in my 30s) left my partner with CPTSD (male in his 40s) last week after two years of being together in a relationship meant for life. And my heart is broken into a million pieces, as I do not want to be apart and spend the rest of my life with this man, including accepting his disability and help him feel safe and find peace for as many days as possible. I see him as the whole awesome person he is with lots and lots to love, be proud of and cherish.

But in our relationship I regularly experienced extreme verbal and psychological abuse, and at times physical abuse. His attachment issues become stronger as our relationship progresses. He has weaponized my dating past (or actually his undiscussable version of it) - with a time of me becoming wrongfully less honest and transparant about details he became obsessed about - to put me down or have accountability.

I also became more and more accomodating to him. For a large I accepted that with love given his disability. But it grew into me being too responsible for regulating him and it being self-evident to him.

I ended it after he started an affaire with his coworker (after we worked through his affaire with his ex a year prior). He cheated, including on my bday where I was left alone, and ended up being in love with this coworker. And it wasnt even the affaire itself that made me end it; I told him I wanted to work through it with him as long as he worked through his feelings for her with me and chose me. I ended it because

1. he left me alone for days to have some time for himself (considering his struggle with his feelings), and after I informed him I was meeting up with some friends, he then verbally agressively attacking me for being a *** as well as extensively telling me how much better his coworker is and the connection/feelings he has for her.

2. and it became apparent that he (as he said) still had deep meaningful conversations with her about the situation whike I was heavily deprived for months (he became more closed off)

I texted him back wishing him them all the best and that I truely hope he becomes happy. And them blocked him and went no contact. That was a week ago (and yes, I am still no contact).

But my heart is broken. I ended the relationship not because I do not love him and not because I do not understand what is happening (growing closer frightens him), on the contrary. But I ended it because I cannot put myself through this. Where is the end? I just wished he took my hand and worked on himself with me next to him.

Yes, he freaked out after no contact. Still does. I am receiving long emails and letters (to which I do not respond, going against every vein in my body that wants to be there with and for him) about how he actually chooses me and wants to be with me. And how scared he is now that we become more and more attached and move forward (yes, I still get told off for my dating past in this, and he still acknowledges his feelings for his coworker because of it). He calls out for needing me now in this batttle and actually needing me all along; he states that he needs me in that he want to go to HR to stop all this at work. And again how scared he is.

Meanwhile I am completely (heart)broken. I have done nothing else but sleep the past week. But I do love this man so much and I cannot envision a life without him.

People with cptsd or cptsd partners, and others, what would you advice?. My choice now for breaking up/no contact does not align with my heart and desire.