Dreams

So me and my twin, are not speaking yet again, I always kick off at him. When he’s silent or ignores me, saying he looking for other woman etc. he lies etc.

I mean he had lied, kept things from me, he said it’s because I always kick off and think the worst. But I’ve found out anyway.
For example - he told me he’s at home but went out, now he says it’s because I always kick off accusing him of sleeping with other woman. Which is true I do.

We was in separation Jan till March this year with no contact, he was out, I was and we reconnected. But it’s hard, because of the things he hid from me. I’ve kicked off twice, at him, we’ve reconnected, etc.
I mean he does stupid things, when I threaten to leave him, when I’ve told him I’ve had enough of this.
Like we was ok, and I just kicked off out of nowhere, I was drunk, I told him to leave me alone, to go sleep with someone else get it over with, I hate him, he etc,
Then he kissed someone right in front of me, he didn’t know I was there. But I saw it, as soon as he saw me, he moved straight away from the woman, I confronted him, and he got angry - we ended up having the most explosive row in the middle of a pub. He got defensive, I asked if he was taking her home, or if he was sleeping with her.
We didn’t speak for a few days.
Nothing was resolved. Etc.

But I went back, it’s like a repeat cycle it’s exhausting.

I know there an abandoned wound there I know that. On my side,

I’ve tried to fix it, speak to him, as recently I kicked off at him, as he ignore my messages. - I thought he was out, or another woman was at his. But he said he fell asleep.

I’ve tried to fix this, speak to him, but he’s very distant, which is granted I get why.
Always being accused when you’ve got done anything is exhausting for him too.
He’s hardly spoke to me, won’t really speak. Which I get.

But I had a dream last night, - that he went out, and was spiralling out of control. Was so drunk, I was out too watching him, he wouldn’t talk to me, he just kept drinking alcohol, he just carried on drinking, trying to forget, said he wants to forgets it’s hard, the person I was out with was trying to get me to speak to him but we ended up losing him, I ended up losing him.

I guess it’s my way of saying I need to heal my traumas. I know this,
But it’s hard since he’s done things that he regrets, when I told him I don’t love him or hate him, or I want to walk away for good, as I don’t want him.

When we had the break, for 3 months there was non stop dream and communication in 5D is was mental.