Okay so, just needed somewhere to rant cuz why the freak not.

I was actually excited today to go to a friend’s place. We were heading to a gathering with everyone, and there was someone there I hadn’t seen in 4–5 years — a childhood friend I really missed. But of course, everything went wrong.

First problem

Whenever I ask to go out, it’s always: “No, they can come here instead.”

But that never works here:

• I don’t even have my own room. I sleep in the lounge just the sofa, blankets, my stuff, that’s it. Where would my friend even sleep? On the same couch as me?
• Upstairs is basically off-limits. This is a two-storey house, and my old bedroom is up there, but I’m not allowed to go upstairs at all unless an adult comes with me. So the only other space is the upstairs lounge, and making a guest stay there alone feels so rude and awkward.
• Zero privacy. The lounge is the main walk-through space people are coming and going all the time, doors opening and closing. There’s no way I’m letting someone I haven’t seen in years walk in here and think this is normal. Over my dead body.
• Space and food are tight. There are already 6 people living here. It’s crowded enough as it is, and adding another mouth to feed and more people to fit around the table just puts extra pressure on everyone. It wouldn’t be fun for them, and it wouldn’t be fair on anyone.

Second Problem

I’ve known this friend for years now I’ve been to their house loads of times before. It’s only 5 minutes away, basically around the corner. My parents already have the full address, their family’s contact details, and they even know the family of the other friend I’m meeting, since their parents were friends years ago and we attended a family funeral together in the past. There’s literally no mystery or unknowns here.

Plus, I haven’t been allowed to go to anyone’s house in about 3 years the only exception is my closest friend, and even then I’ve only been there once. This was the first time in ages I was actually trying to push myself, build some confidence, and get out of this house to socialise. But as soon as I asked, it was just a straight “no” before I even finished explaining.

LAST PROBLEM

After a lot of explaining, they finally agreed but only if they got a message from the friend’s parent saying it was okay.

It was already 6:40pm, the gathering started at 7:00pm, and doors shut at 7:50pm. No ride from my parents, so I needed that confirmation fast. I messaged and called nonstop, but found out my friend was already too out of it to reply. We’d even planned everything hours earlier, but it fell apart.

I messaged their parents directly, and finally got a reply at 7:40pm;

"Sorry, already dropped them off. Let’s plan better next time.”

…Are you kidding me?

I spent ages sorting this out, stressed for hours, had every reason why it was safe and important, and it all collapsed right at the end. Now I’m stuck here again — feeling trapped, no space, no break, and missing the one chance I had to see someone I care about. My mental health is already bad, I was this close to running away just last week, and this was supposed to be the escape I needed.

Feels like no matter what I do, nothing ever goes my way.