Miserable life

My whole life has been largely miserable.

Last year, after 50 years of this crap, I finally started making better decisions, and pulling myself out of the muck. My kid was starting to do better, I was in a healthy relationship, I started doing the things I always said I wanted to, and most importantly, I started saving for a future that I never thought I would have.

I had a plan to completely eliminate my debt by the end of this year, I was starting to actually put money into a 401k and IRA, and I was going to have meager savings, but I would have at least had something to retire with in 17 years.

Then, last week, I got laid off. Over 20 years at one company. And they won't even tell me when my last day is because they don't even know. So it could be tomorrow, it could be by the end of the year. Yeah, they'll give me a severance package, but really, it's more of a kick in the teeth. I have had consistent "exceeds expectations" for my entire tenure, so it's not even that I screwed up somewhere along the line, its just a corporate BS restructuring.

I am so angry, but also it flipped me so hard into depression again. Everything, all the years wasted. All of the things I was starting to plan for, out the window. And then I blame myself, I tell myself I should have been saving and planning earlier, so I would not be so desparate now.

I have 6k left on my debt.... that's it. My regular bills are very low. I don't need much but I do need to work remotely because I've been remote since before it was "cool" and my health/mobility are not the best....

All these jobs posted, all these jobs I qualify for on paper, but no one wants me. I had a bite for a few jobs that I can't realistically do...and I just feel defeated.

Like.... when does it end? Every time I start to feel better about myself, something sucks me back down into the black hole.