Is it be distant with ur parents when they beat u or use cuss words which hurt u is it wrong ? I love them enough to give my life for them but living with them feel toxic to me if I have to change I need be far from them from childhood i am listening things like i am average i don't possess any tale

Is it be distant with ur parents when they beat u or use cuss words which hurt u is it wrong ? I love them enough to give my life for them but living with them feel toxic to me if I have to change I need be far from them from childhood i am listening things like i am average i don't possess any talent I am fat and i am lazy I still remember that my mom slapped me infront of whole class in parent teacher meeting cause i failed in maths she does the same and my dad is also best me with shoes belt and all they treat my cousin well cause they are toppers I am not so they don't all the way in my childhood they used beat for small things if i pushed my brother he started crying and all one day my gold earrings got missing so that time my used to my headwash so she took me bathroom I was some what naked she beat out of hell alll way in i feel i am.wrong and all and u know i said i want be alone at night i locked the door my Dad came asked u are u locking is any one coming to sleep with u or what he gives money for my transport for college one i spend too much he said he won't give money go with someone else and one day my mom said press her legs i said give money funny way my dad said she can do anything for money am i that cheap ? Now present i became resistant i don't acknowledge them too much that's all i kept my distance all way childhood treating me shit now I am in my msc they showing care i feel acting i hate their behaviour too one day my dad if i this stubborn and lazy my husband will slap then he won't save me 1st of all why will my husband slap me am i dolll that in all childhood I get beating from my dad and mom then my husband ahh I am not i will slap back him .. recently what happened is I am using ice for my face in fridge i pressed that button frost all vegetables frost so my dad came with shoe started hitting me 1st i started save them I did he hitted me i kept null emotion after he left i laughed i don't know why I said all these to my friend she said they giving money for education then take it if they dealing u like transaction deal same see them as ur money things i started doing that I feel distant now they are telling i don't care about them i use them for money where I went wrong