My Bf(M24) and I(F25) have been dating for 9 and half years and I think I’ve hit my boiling point

My boyfriend (M 24) and I (F 25) have been together for 9 and a half years. We started dating when we were 16 and had a year long break roughly 4 and bit years into the relationship, where we were still in contact and not seeing anyone else as we worked on ourselves and issues we had in the relationship, ie trust.
When we got back together everything was perfect and all our old issues were no longer there anymore and it seemed like everything was fine. Fast forward to roughly 2 years ago, after sexual intercourse, I would get this sad feeling and would always cry. It continued for months and I got to the point where I didn’t want to do anything sexual as I hated the sad feeling. (I had no idea as to why I would cry) my bf would be there for me after when I was crying and then I’d just have this self loathing feeling cause I hated crying and that I couldn’t just be normal. I ended up seeing a therapist and she had told me that having depression can be the cause. I started on antidepressants and still felt the same. I slowly eased off the antidepressants as I felt they did nothing for me at all. I finally confided in a friend and told her about how sad I would get after anything sexual with my bf and she was saying there has to be a reason, even though you arnt aware of the reason, there has to be one. Which I thought was true, so I had really started thinking. About everything and about why I felt like that and it felt like something just clicked in my brain and it’s like my eyes just opened.
I thought to how anytime there was a deal or bet on the line, if he won the bet or deal, his reward would be something sexual/intimate. For example, wear lingerie/ tease myself with toys/ send photos of myself or even record myself doing sexual things.
At the time of all this happening, mind you it went on for yearsssss (even before I started crying after anything sexual) it would annoy me because I didn’t want to do that stuff and I would always tell him can you make the deal something different and nothing sexual or anything like that, I’d say make it a foot rub or a back rub or just anything else. His response was always, then don’t lose so you don’t have to do it. He would sometimes change the deal but it got to the point where I would have to flat out say I’m not doing any deals and he would just say things like I’m scared, sore looser and just laugh about like it was a joke when I sat there blank faced. I had said to him multiple times to stop the deals and he would say he would and that he wouldn’t do it again and low and behold, he would do it again, it was just a repeating cycle. It is now at the point where I don’t want to go away for a weekend or even so much as kiss him while we are in bed cause I know what he will want and I don’t want to do anything and even though I tell him no that I don’t want to do anything, he keeps on pestering me. Saying please, it will just tease me if you use your toys, I can go out of the room, please I love seeing your face. All the while I have said no 10 times and to the point of saying no means no and then usually it results in him having a sook and rolling over on the bed or getting sad and saying that I’m not attracted to him anymore. I have had to just give in sometimes and just do what he is asking, as it’s easier to just cry in the bathroom then to repeat and repeat and repeat myself (I do feel guilty for not being able to give him what he wants and I understand how it can make him feel). All of this has just made me feel so stupid for not seeing it sooner that he isn’t respecting when I say no, considering every time anything sexual happens, I cry. I just feel as though if he truly respected me and loved me, he would listen to no the first time and not push and push. I’m now really considering what to do in this relationship as I don’t feel I can get over this now, especially that I’m now looking at it as he doesn’t respect me and I just thought with us being together for so long, and after everything we have been through he would.

To add: I have told him about why I think I cry and his first response was that I’m just making excuses up and that he doesn’t believe me and that he thinks it’s cause I’m not attracted to him (im very attracted to him, just don’t want to cry all the time so I avoid sexual things)
We had another discussion as I said I don’t know how to move forward in this relationship as I don’t know how to fix this and his response had changed and he started saying how sorry he was, that he will never do it again, he feels gross for how he has made me feel, that he never looked at it like that and now he has he is disgusted in himself, he doesn’t see his life without me in it, etc etc.

I have never done it to him and would never, so I don’t understand the whole “I never looked at it like that” when to me it is clear, no means no.

Am I being dramatic?