Another Day 1!

Day 1 (again): I'm afraid to even begin the journey again because I'm afraid of failing again. I use alcohol to self medicate emotions, I don't think I'm physically addicted but I am emotionally addicted to 3-4 cider around 10:00 am to regulate my mornings and then repeat at around 3 pm. It's something that I just do "because". I know the physical toll that its taking on my health; I've read the books; I've listened to podcasts. I'm 65 this year and I don't want to go into my retirement drinking. I live alone and it just feels like I give myself some strange permission everyday to carry on with this way. I'm tired of the anxiety, the sense of overwhelm, the lethargy, the procrastinating. I want to feel good about myself again....so here I am again at Day 1...I want this.