i feel like im going to die all for nothing

i wish i had never started this. my heart rate has been in the 30s low 40s the past almost 2 weeks i think now no matter what i do ive been eating snd stopped purging and km not even uw. i think i gave myself brain damage i cant comprehend anything. i had to quit my job too. i ruined everything for my family and i genuinely believe i am gojng to die, i think everyonr else does too and theyre not telling me. i ruined everything for everyone. i have an appointment abt the heart thing soon but i dont feel right at all and can barely type this. i wish i had a time machine. if this brain damage is permanent my life is over but i think im just gonna die anyway