How do I integrate myself in the wlw community?

Hey all,
I think I’m feeling a little bit stuck and not sure what to do so I’m coming here for some advice.

For context, I’m 22F, I would categorise myself as a soft masc if that’s important. I come from quite a homophobic family, one side more so than the other but still.

I never really dated, I never really had any real crushes all through school, until sixth form when I realised I liked women. I think because of the way I grew up I had a lot of internalised homophobia, or maybe just denial. For the first year or so I only had crushes on straight girls, which then progressed to unavailable girls, and now I kind of don’t even get crushes. I have adhd so I struggle to differentiate between what’s a crush and what is a hyperfixation so that definitely doesn’t help. But overall, I’ve never dated anyone.

At the start of 2026, I made it my resolution to interact more with queer spaces to get more comfortable with my sexuality. I don’t really have anyone to go to these spaces with, and I’m really anxious to go by myself. I have some queer friends, but it’s mainly gay men or bisexual girls who don’t really interact with the community. I went to a speed dating event earlier this year with one of them, but he’s now in a relationship so won’t go to anymore. I really enjoyed it, it was nice to be surrounded by so many queer people even though I didn’t find anyone I would stay in touch with (it was a 20-40 year old event and I was referred to as the baby the whole night 🥲). I’ve also been trying to interact more with queer media, I’m reading queer books and watching shows with queer characters as well as things like I kissed a girl on BBC. I think all of this is definitely helping, I’ve even kissed a girl in a club for the first time but I was so anxious I kind of blacked it out lol.

It’s hard because I know I love women, but it’s like there’s this massive obstacle stopping me and I don’t know how to get rid of it. My friends tell me I need to date someone all the time, but I don’t really feel like I want to put someone through having to date someone who hasn’t fully accepted themselves. My friends all say the first relationship won’t be anything anyway and I need to just do it, but I physically and mentally cannot do that. I have dating apps, but I hate how shallow they are. I don’t believe you can judge people based off some photos and prompts, I’m attracted to energy too which doesn’t really come across in profiles so I end up just swiping left on like everyone. And then in public my type is femmes, which are kind of impossible to spot. So that also doesn’t help haha

I always said I would come out to some members of my family when I have a girlfriend, but that hasn’t happened and I couldn’t wait so I’m out to my mum, brother and one of my aunties. It was hard each time and I just end up crying, I’m openly out to all my friends and at work and literally everywhere I possibly can be, apart from to my family and I don’t know why it’s so hard to tell them. It’s not like I’m exactly hiding it either, I’m pretty sure it’s obvious from the way I dress but I think they’re in denial too.

I guess I’m just anxious about the whole thing. I would like to see what dating is like, all my friends are in relationships and have had relationships and dating experiences in the past, I have had literally nothing. And I am anxious about the fact I might just be alone forever and the fact that the older I get without dating the worse and harder it’s gonna be.

But I don’t really want to date someone before I feel good about myself, and I think the way to do that is to go to queer events and queer spaces, but I’m too anxious to go to them by myself and I have no wlw friends that want to go. So basically I just feel like I’m stuck.

If any of you feel the same or have any advice I would really appreciate it

Thanks in advance from the toddler gay 🙏