The sea will watch the light fade from my eyes

Hey, my name's raze and im 16f. For my whole life, ive been attempting to leave this shithole of a place i cant help but still see as beautiful yet wreched. I was 5-6 when i started trying to strangle myself with ropes, drown myself, get hit by cars, and shit like that. Since then, life has been sending me waves, close to shore and back to the deep end. Just recently, I got diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but I feel like its just a temporary diagnosis or something cause i dont really ALIGN to it in the way i should. Before this though, i had gotten diagnosed with PTSD at the ripe age of 11 due to abuse. This, along with many other reasons, has made me the type of person who'd disappear on people. I've done what i can to to stop myself, and for a while, i did. Now though, i've cut contact with all my friends who probably have other shit in life to deal with than to look for me, i've gone to modular class, and im all alone. There's more to it than that, and more to the situations i've said, but you get it! Honestly, i dont even know why im making this, and to be completely honest i probably wont even reply. A few weeks from now, i plan to go to a "sleepover" and take a bus to the beach. There, i will lay and od on pills with a bottle of alc, tasting nothing but freedom.