Learning to Live With Terminal Illness, Trauma, and Loneliness

I'm not sure exactly where to post this, but I'm terminally ill and have severe childhood trauma. Due to the trauma I never allowed anyone to touch me, I always felt too nauseous and afraid to be intimate with anyone. Now that I'm bedridden and don't know how much time I have left, I'm desperately craving the touch and human connection I never allowed myself to have. I'm turning 30 soon and will likely die a virgin (aside from what happened when I was a kid) and for some reason that just feels so tragic to me, like I never got to experience what it feels like to be "human." I'm constantly thinking about sex and wishing there was someone close to me that I could just hold, just pretend that this nightmare I'm living through isn't happening.

I'd be really grateful for some advice on how to cope - I know this sub doesn't focus on illness but the day-to-day stuff I struggle with the most is the pain from the trauma and knowing that I never got to experience a meaningful intimate relationship. Even if there isn't really anything that can be said to make it better, I'm grateful just to be able to post here, vent, and not feel so alone 💗