The hardest part for me isn’t resisting the temptation to reach out. It’s choosing to live everyday with not doing anything about it

I used to cry and beg, ask them for answers and self-deprecate in front of them thinking it could change their mind or they could have a change of heart. This person who was moving 1000 miles away told me he couldn’t meet with me again because he was ‘too overwhelmed.’

I didn’t fight back. I didn’t press for answers. I took time to reflect on my own emotions and let myself feel them for a few days. I was considering not texting him back at all because I was so heartbroken. But I’m not that type of person, someone to just disappear without a word. So I just wished him luck on his move and that was the end of that. We haven’t spoken since.

It’s almost unfair, the way things have ended. There wasn’t enough time for things to really develop. There was no formality or finality to any of our last exchanges. Never had the ‘talk.’ I purposely kept my last message open-ended. But things never picked up where they were left off. I made the mistake of opening the app and saw that he’s still actively trying to find some new company, so to speak. I almost envy those whose ghoster lives closer to them. Maybe there would’ve been a chance, maybe not.

But I know deep down if he were to reach out today or next week or next month, that there’s just not enough time to really sit and wonder why would you ghost someone who did nothing to you. Yet the reality is the same: no ‘apology’ would fix the hurt and damage. The silence and confusion. The crying. I sort of pieced together what kind of person he was and his stance on a long distance relationship. I know now it wouldn’t be viable. I see no reason why he’d even reach out now.

I still doubt myself if this was the right choice, if I should’ve asked then and there what I meant to him, if anything. But I’m living as if I’ll never hear from him again. The hardest part of this isn’t resisting the urge to text them, no. It’s deciding that this is for the better and that reaching out on either side will do more harm than good.