Planning to improve before uni, still feeling restricted.

I've (20M) used Reddit for the past few months to release my pent up anger towards everything.
Basically for my entire life I had symptoms akin to HSPs (heightened sensitivity processing) and, no matter how much I pleaded my parents, I never got diagnosed. I'm currently wasting away in my room, anger still coursing through my brain.

For the past week I've been contemplating and ruminating on all of my failed social opportunities. In particular I was very resentful about a lost opportunity on getting a girlfriend. Fate has given me the perfect type of woman, but my social cues were terrible and I desperately tried to recover. It ultimately failed.

Then I began developing trust issues; my well-built connections turned into paranoia. I didn't want anyone to know that I locked myself in the school bathroom for 4 years avoiding any contact. Then I gradually stopped talking. Then I began to ignore my family, as a way to rebel.

In particular, my mother has manipulated the way I live my life for my entire adolescence. I wanted to let my hair grow so I can experiment new hairstyles, yet my mother imposed a 2-week interval before completely shaving my hair into a fade that I don't even enjoy. I wanted to wear neckties casually with my dress shirts, but my mother called me ridiculous every time I had one on me.

And this week I asked my mother if I could begin going to the local gym a few feet from my house, and she told me that "it's not the time". She is indirectly telling me to waste away and live in repeated monotony.

Sometimes I ponder if I should be happy that my father, someone who in his last moments told his wife to go fuck herself, is rotting in the deepest pits of hell. He turned me into a sexually frustrated animal.

Fortunately I will be going back to therapy, hoping that this new therapist will actively help me improve and become a way different person.

I just want to find a compromise with my mother, I want to be free from these shackles and recover my mutual relationships. I blame my family for regressing me into a little spoiled brat who has to depend on someone else for everything.

Any kind of advice is welcome.