Gfs identity struggles hitting a nerve

Hey lesbians! Going to attempt to keep this as concise as possible.
My (29f) gf (37f) and I got together a little under 6 months ago after hanging out as friends for a while. I’m a lesbian, always have been and feel very secure in that. Gf had never been with women (if you don’t count drunken makeouts with friends) and had a lot of very shitty relationships with men.
In the beginning, she was very gassed to be with a girl, told literally everyone in her world about our new relationship and half-jokingly referred to herself as a lesbian (or rather, the equivalent of reclaimed d slur in her language, which we communicate in). Later on ut has come up that she doesn’t identify as a lesbian as she has been in love with men and doesn’t want to have a label at all. But still would often use the lesbian slur when talking about herself, which I would then also do because I thought it was banter or whatever.
Recently, as part of a somewhat emotional conversation about feelings and relationships, she expressed that me calling her that, even as a joke, makes her feel like she can’t be herself. But not always. See, when she spends time with “very conventionally heterosexual friends”, she wants to call herself gay/lesbian and therefore it sometimes feels good. I said I wouldn’t call her that anymore and she said that she still would when it feels good for her.
She has a lot of trauma from previous relationships and experiences and because of that, anything sexual beyond kissing is off the table, at least for now and her exes come up A LOT, along with the conclusion that it’s really great to now be with a girl who is “nice”. Most of her friends that I meet also tend to express happiness over the fact that shes “finally” dating a woman.

This is all something that I guess finally dawned on me in therapy a few days ago - I was talking about how I downloaded twitter again (wanted to scroll on some social media that I wasn’t present on lmao) and my algorithm atm is just non-stop discourse about who gets to use the label lesbian, which made me feel a certain way that I’m not going to get into here and now but what it boiled down to is that I have this nagging feeling that I’m being reduced to some sort of a tool/accessory. Or maybe that my sexuality is like this weird gimmick? I don’t know.

Am I being insane/unreasonable? Am I overthinking? AITA?