How have I managed for so long with no affection

Hi, this feels a silly thing to be hung up on given everything else my partner has done but for some reason it has hit hard. My therapist said something in passing recently about partners just cuddled up on the sofa together. When I asked questions she talked about all the everyday moments of non-sexual touch that couples share. I was super taken aback. I have asked my partner for years for more touch/hugs/cuddles etc but it’s never happened. He has always framed it as me being super unreasonable and clingy. If I want to sit with him on the sofa, he gets irritated fast and my breathing will be too loud or something and I end up having to leave again and go sit somewhere else. I feel like I’ve been living in an affectionate wasteland for years and he persuaded me to believe it was normal and I wanted too much. I feel like I have missed out on so much. He hugged me a few days ago. If we give a goodnight peck, it’s always me that has to go to him—like even being the one to lift my head on the pillow…he doesn’t even meet halfway.

It feels stupid to be so pissed about this when I think about the other stuff he has done but I guess it’s realising that he gaslit me for years into thinking my needs were too much and that I have lived without affection for so long even though he knows I have needed it.