My previous attempts ruined my life

I probably would’ve had a fighting chance at life if I didn’t fuck it up. I would have my friends still, wouldn’t need to move, wouldn’t have ruined my family’s lives and finances. Maybe I wouldn’t have depression or it wouldn’t have been as severe and I would’ve stayed on my medication. Maybe I wouldn’t have started cutting myself. I definitely would’ve been a more likable person.

My life could’ve been worth something and so much better but I ruined it and have to suffer the consequences of my own actions. I have to suffer with suicidal thoughts and self-hatred constantly because I wanted to end it all when I was a teenager. I have to suffer the aftermath of ruining my schooling and friendships because I was too depressed to care about anything. People try to care about me but I don’t even care about myself anymore. There’s nothing to care about.