Why the hate?

Disclaimer: this is simply my opinion, you’re welcome to share yours in a constructive, in a non-hateful or death-threat way. (I know I myself started it off with hate but I put the ‘vent’ tag on for a reason, we all have our moments)

So. Polyamory. I myself have known I am non-monogamous pretty much my whole life; I was in denial for a very long time and mostly ignored the concept until it became too painful to deny the truth - that being in a monogamous relationship as a non-monogamous person destroys you and the relationship.

Anyways, the more I come to terms with this part of myself, I’ve found myself doing some research into people’s perspective’s on it…and it’s a lot. Obviously when you struggle and are self-conscious about a part of yourself, your brain gravitates to posts and comments with intense negativity, which helps no one and only makes you feel worse, so I’ve decided to post my two-cents on the topic…but I have to vent first before being constructive so please forgive because there’s only so much of “your existence is wrong” that I can take before I bite back.

I think what annoys me the most when looking at these hate-comments and what still sits in my head is the term “sex-pests” to describe us, to describe non-monogamous people…why bro? There’s plenty of monogamous couples that are also “sex-pests” as you’ve described the term and yet you don’t see all monogamous people described in that way? Like what? “It’s a trauma response; they’re all mentally ill” …excuse me? Do you know where you get your idea of love from? Your love language I mean. You get it from what you were lacking in childhood…oh wait is that a form of trauma? Are you saying that because you didn’t get hugged enough as a child your love language is likely to be linked to physical touch? Mmmmmmm yes - oh no your childhood trauma affects your relationships! Shocker!!!!

Fuck my life…

And I don’t think I even have to mention the fact that deep trauma/ptsd doesn’t just equal polyamory. It simply does not. There are plenty of polyamorous people who have not gone through those experiences and still are like “yeah I love multiple people”
Girl even in our own subreddit we critique each other, make sure we’re not cheaters and bad people: loving multiple people isn’t a crime, or bad; but cheating on your partner to achieve that is! “Polytrapping” is a real thing and we pull each other up on it. We’re usually very open about the fact that we’re non-monogamous people to our future partners and everyone’s on the same page. Of course this discovery can happen while in a relationship, changing the dynamics but saying it’s “selfish”….are we serious? It is selfish to love multiple people, I’d argue we’re more generous than most and love everyone really, to a fault almost

Okay you’re saying it’s selfish on the partner they were already with…okay this is complex; of course it depends on the person, the relationship, it depends on everything, but what I think is more selfish is keeping this from your partner, because it’s a part of you, it is something that affects your relationship. Even if the poly person chooses to be monogamous for them (which is usually even from my own experience extremely painful and just shows how much you love that person to do that for them, even to deny a part of you) they should know that they are poly in the first place, even if the person themselves didn’t know to begin with. It’s also okay to experiment with this kind of thing - we have been put on this earth to live and experience it,
we are given no handbook, no guide of “here is what you need to do” no quest no storymode - it is your life and you make of it what you want. I’ve met people who have questioned if they’re non-monogamous, okay try it then! Respectfully, just like the rest of us, with communication and time and realistically difficulty; because no matter what relationship you’re in, whether it is a monogamous or non-monogamous one, it’s a lot of work and the only way you make any relationship work is with effort - so put the effort in. It’s just like dating a person that you find out later isn’t your type anymore, your perspective on what type and kind of relationship you want to be in shifts with time and experience…so have those experiences! Even if in the end you find out you don’t like it, you will probably find out more about yourself and the kind of person you want to be with! Hey if you even want to be with a person- it’s absolutely cool beans if you enjoy being yourself by yourself- even as a poly person myself I have no problem with that and understand it since I know from experience that everyone loves differently and everyone’s idea of love is different.

Life is hard enough as it is, what’s the point of making it harder for each other. Love yourself, love your partner, love your partner’s partner - just love life because it’s a beautiful gift to us all.

P.S. Always read the rules guys and shout out to the mods for keeping our sub safe!