90 days no contact, urge to reach out is worse than ever.

Me (M29) & my ex (F24) broke up in late January. We said we were going to take a break the month of February due to ongoing issues, and she was visiting family in South Carolina the entire month. She had a “friend” drive her there and back. They connected while we were hardly talking. I thought when she got back we would have a talk about our issues and get back together. But due to the conflict that was on-going, and the relief the new guy offered, she went and chose him. He’s actually a loser though, no insecurity, it’s just a fact.. Anyways, at first she still tried to keep me around. She even had me go to the ER vet with her for the cat we got together and I paid half the $1k bill. I said I can’t keep being there for her if she’s talking to another guy, and I’m not competing.

3 months later and now I hear through mutual friends she says things like “I better marry him”. I fucked up a lot during our relationship. I was drinking a lot, my adderall dose was enormous (60 mg/day), and I didn’t always make space for her feelings or make her feel heard or seem.

Losing her was a big eye opener to my self-sabotage. I have consistently gone to therapy since then. I’ve been 70 days sober, though I do plan to drink again eventually, just with more boundaries. I got my adderall dose adjusted to 15 mg per day. I started an llc. I want so much to reach out to her and tell her this. Not for her validation, and not because I need her, but because I want her to know, I’ve addressed a lot of the issues we had.

But she seems committed and invested in her rebound. Again, no insecurity, but the dude is a loser. His life is the gym, and he takes TRT to accomplish the same things I did naturally and with hard work and dedication. They’ve enmeshed their lives together. I want to reach out so bad, but I don’t know how or if I should.