Too much going on in my head

This one might be a bit of a long or all over the place kind of post, and I'm sorry if it is... I don't really have a lot of people I can truly talk to about what's on my mind (I do have a therapist I talk to about these kinds of things). Life has just been so hard lately, I'll express to my friends or people around me that I'm not in a good spot mentally, yet all they do is come to me to vent. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that they feel safe and trust me when it comes to venting, but there's a time and a place in my mind.. it just makes me feel like I'm not a friend but just a therapist. For example, my late father's 9 year anniversary was Monday my one friend knew this because I made a post about it and they know that July 6th will always be a hard day for me... and they vented to me talking about how their dad disowned them.

Another thing I've been dealing with is my mom, I don't feel like a daughter to her but a piggy bank. As a kid, my mother was always neglecting me... I used to eat a lot as a kid, but mostly because I was a super active kid. I practically lived outside because I was always outside, running around and being a kid... but she'd always call be fat or say I'll get fat when I'm older if I keep eating like that. She'd try to dictate how I dress, act, and sit.. almost like I have to be a proper lady. But now all I get is I need money, and if I say no she gets passive aggressive saying things like "Well if guess I'll figure it out myself, I have no money."

One last thing that I struggle with is insecurities and loneliness. With the way my mom along with other people and past relationships only being with me for sex, I absolutely hate the way I look... no matter how many people say I'm beautiful, I just struggle to belive it. And for the loneliness part, I absolutely struggle with making genuine friends who want to be apart of my life, not just for money, or for a therapist.

(I currently struggle with borderline personality disorder, depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and ptsd)

If you read this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read it.