For all the parents….

Day 11 over here. Starting to feel so much more mentally clear and have had some good reflections. I’m not sure if anyone else can relate to this. But for a long time after having kids, I struggled to give up alcohol because it connected me to my past, my youth, and it was one of the things that I refused to give up after having kids. Once you have kids so much of your life and identity changes and it really was part of why I felt it was so difficult (and I almost felt resentful I guess ?) about having to cut back or stop , even though deep down, I knew it was making parenting way harder. I now realize why so many parents stopped drinking after having kids, I just never understood it and I think a lot of that settled in my inability to accept this new chapter in my life and I wanted to still feel like myself. Does anyone else relate?

I’m also realizing now that even though it’s only been 11 days, I feel this shift. A sense of lightness or something - and I think a lot of that lightness comes from the realization that I held a lot of shame and self hatred towards myself around my drinking. It’s almost as though deep down I knew it was toxic for my life in so many ways, was impacting my health and relationships but I couldn’t give it up. And I was inherently angry with myself for this and carried a lot of self-hatred for myself.

Anyways - if any of this relates to anyone wanted to share! For some reason I’m getting a lot of clarity right now and it feels good to write it down.