Communication with someone who survived the thing that killed your person

So… how do you manage it? Anyone’s got advice?

I’m not gonna go into detail, but my partner was killed 9 months ago. He didn’t make it to hospital ultimately dying from injuries.

One of his friends has gone through a similar situation a couple months after my partner’s death. He’s still in the hospital and recovery’s probably gonna take forever. We aren’t close by any means. My partner and him were friends for 2 years maybe. We chat online from time to time. He says as soon as he’s able to walk, at least with crutches, he wants to go to the cemetery with me to visit his grave.

This might be the thing where we keep planning and never actually meet up. But if we do I’m so afraid of sabotaging it because of my jealousy.

We’re all grieving here so I can be honest. When I found out he was in the hospital my first thought was “why did you survive and my partner didn’t?”. I don’t wish he died, I’m happy he didn’t, but it’s so unfair to see someone else survive what my love didn’t. Life’s unfair so I have to deal with it somehow. But I can’t deny that I am jealous of this friend’s family who still gets to have him while we buried mine.

If we end up meeting how do I set this jealousy aside? I’m afraid I’ll just cry when I see him. I can pretend to be crying just because he was my partner’s friend, not because of everything above, but I don’t want to put any guilt/fault on him. It’s not his fault my partner didn’t make it.

Have you gone through anything similar? How did you approach it?