Looking for a truly grey and complex Male Lead.

I just read Seize the Fire by Lauren Kinsale and it left me sort of hollow but in a good way? The male character Sheridan Drake was a piece of crap but i coudn't hate him. he is not good, betrays people but he hates himself, he's traumatized and took it on others, he kept lying to himself until he coudn't do it anymore. Characters who have given up on life and live only to survive but eventually do find redemption through the FL.