Just looking for some support

I was addicted to using DPH some time early this year to the point where I was using a calendar so I could space out trips by a week (I know that’s not enough time) and use again asap. I was very depressed among other things that I’m not sure I can discuss here.

I really struggle with sleeping which has become a really major trigger and I’m finding it so so difficult. I have at least 2000mg of dph on me which is plenty for a few trips.

I think, man, I have 25mg tablets but I should take 50mg so I can actually sleep. But I might aswell have a little bit of fun and take 100, you know, for fun. But I’m already overdosing if I take 100, so I might aswell take 200. But I’d trip better if I just took 400 so, why not.
I can’t end this cycle of thinking and I don’t want to use again.

I’ve tried getting support from other places but I don’t think that many people understand what DPH is. I know I should get rid of the tablets but I just can’t. I don’t know, I’m just looking for some support/ encouragement. I may end up deleting this post.