I feel like im walking on egg shells and i am exhausted.

I’m 20F and have been dating a 23M for about 3 months. We got close very quickly. I’ve spent almost every day at his house, met his family, supported him, and developed very real feelings for him.

He tells me he loves me, and I love him. I’ve been honest from day one. I haven’t lied, cheated, played games, or done anything that I feel should make him question my intentions. I’ve consistently tried to understand him, especially during disagreements.The problem is that the more serious things have become, the more emotionally exhausted I feel. I don’t feel loved anymore. I feel afraid to express myself, and I honestly feel like I’m becoming a shell of myself.

Tonight we argued because he brought up something that had happened previously. At the time it happened, it wasn’t presented as an issue, so I had no idea he was still bothered by it.
I calmly asked “Why didn’t you say something when it happened?” I was NOT saying he was wrong for bringing it up later. I was trying to understand why he waited, and I said I thought it would be healthier for us to talk about issues closer to when they happened so they didn’t build up.

He took that as me saying he shouldn’t be allowed to bring things up later. I clarified multiple times that I wasn’t saying that. Instead of acknowledging my clarification, he interrupted me, went on a rant, and told me to stop making up hypothetical scenarios, stop taking everything so seriously, stop being so sensitive, stop acting like a Grinch, and to “tighten the fuck up.”

He also told me I didn’t understand him and that I wasn’t ready to be with him.
The confusing part is that earlier that same day we had been talking about making the relationship official. I asked him, “If I asked you to be my boyfriend, would you say yes?” Instead of answering yes, he replied, “Why would I say no?” When I asked for a direct answer, he wouldn’t give one.

During the argument I kept trying to de escalate. I apologized, softened my voice, and repeatedly asked him to explain his perspective because I genuinely wanted to understand him. I literally said, “Can you just talk to me so I can understand where you’re coming from?” He refused. When I apologized, he said, “Fuck all that ‘my bad’ shit because I already told you it’s not that serious.”

The entire conversation left me feeling trapped. If I explained myself, he became angrier. If I asked questions, I was “doing too much.” If I apologized, he rejected it. The smaller and softer I became, the bigger and harsher he became.
This isn’t the first time. I’ve repeatedly told him that I need straightforward communication. I’ve told him I don’t do well with vague answers or sarcasm, yet he continues answering questions with more questions, jokes, or indirect responses, then gets frustrated when I misunderstand him.

Another example: we were talking about going to Kings Island. He said he might not want to go because it would be a day without making money. I asked, “What’s going to happen if you leave for one day?” because I wanted to understand. He responded by saying something like, “Some females understand it. If you can’t handle that, you’re going to have to figure something out.” The problem is… I never said I couldn’t handle it. When I responded, “If I couldn’t handle it, I would’ve already left,” he replied, “Some people say that and they really don’t.”

This happens a lot. He responds to things I never actually said, and I end up defending positions I never took. If I ask why he would even say something like that, he responds with, “What, you want me to lie?”
I honestly cannot think of one time he has compromised because something was hurting me. I’ve adjusted to his communication style, apologized, softened my tone, and tried to understand him. I cannot think of a single example where he said, “You’re right, I’ll work on that,” or changed something because I expressed that it hurt me.

He also says he’s “testing me” and regularly asks if I actually love him, which hurts because I’ve spent almost every day with him, met his family, supported him, and been consistent from the beginning. At this point, I feel like my curiosity has become a burden. I ask questions because that’s how I understand people, but he treats them like arguments or attacks. He assumes what I mean before I finish talking, becomes defensive quickly, and tells me I need to understand him while refusing to help me understand him.

I’m not asking him to agree with everything I say. I’m asking him not to demean me when we disagree, to answer direct questions directly, to respond to what I actually say instead of assumptions, and to occasionally meet me halfway. Instead, I leave every conflict feeling like there is something wrong with me or like I’m somehow failing.

I genuinely don’t feel loved anymore. I’m not saying every moment has been bad because we’ve had amazing moments together, but I don’t feel emotionally cared for during conflict, and I feel like I’m slowly losing myself.
I truly do love him but I am tired and out of options. I need advice.

TL;DR: I feel like I have to carefully monitor everything I say because any concern or question turns into me being called too sensitive, misunderstood, or criticized.