Tidal waves

Sometimes our story feels like a fairy tale
That took a wrong turn.
Other times it’s like a fever dream
And I wonder if it ever even happened.

But today it feels like I’ve swimming uphill. Is that a thing? Drowning in tears and memories that are fading out faster than I care for.

I wonder if you ever really loved me. Or if you were too “broken”. You’re the only person I ever really wanted and though I got you, I couldn’t keep you.

I have so many regrets. So many what ifs.
Life continues and I think I’m done grieving…
And then I remember these little things…
Lug nuts under the bed
The way you used to look at me
The bald spot in your beard
The feeling of your embrace…

I’d do anything for one last hug. Anything…
Anything to hear you whisper that you love me. I’d do anything to have you back…

I wish it was me instead of you. I wish I didn’t have to live this life without you. My heart hurts again and it’s been so long since you’ve been gone.

I don’t know if I’ll ever allow anyone to love me again. No one will ever be enough, no one will ever be you.

I miss you elliot. I miss you so much.
Please send me an earth shaking sign that you are still here with me. You were so loud when you first left, and now I feel like even that has faded away.

I am holding on to my grief cause it’s all that remains of our life together… an echo of our love.