I hate having ADHD.

Hello everyone, I got diagnosed when I was younger. I was put on medication but later taken off of it. Because of how much I would act like a zombie. Now that I’m older I’m considering taking medication, because of how behind I feel, I constantly feel stupid, I feel useless, my brain makes me think that I’m not capable of anything. that it makes me so depressed I just want something to numb that part of my brain, I’m an a/b honor-roll student in High school. I also struggle horribly paying attention. My mind isn’t able to grasp the concepts of what I’m being taught, and it makes me sad. I could be so much more if only I was more intelligent. I forget everything. But I still somehow am able to succeed in my tests. What is this? That I’m feeling?. I’m confused and I really do want a little bit of help at least, sometimes I get really inattentive and I end up not doing anything. My mind is all over the place.